Boyzfordiamonds

Dear you

draperape — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:16:16 +0000

Ever had that one person in your life that you just can’t give up on. One person who can screw you over time after time, yet you always seem to give them another chance. & no matter how many times you say this is their last one, you know it’s a lie because there’s always just one more waiting for him. The one person you know you’re better off without but yet you can’t find a way to let them go because deep down inside, you wouldn’t know what to do without them.

It’ funny. Funny how I’ve lost all ideas as to what I’ve intended to say the moment I reached this page. I hate to be here, it reminds me of everything that I want to forget, or at least tried to. Today I realized that your presence still lingers within the family. Or rather, my mum still treats you as one of us. As much as I hate to admit, I do feel the same way as her too. But I shouldn’t be. You’ve made it clear that you want me out of yr life, and I listened. And when you came back the other time, you didn’t fought for it too. So tell me again, why should I?

I don’t know if you will ever stumble back to this page again, but I just need to get all these out. It has been bothering me for far too long. As naive as this may sound, you were the one whom I thought I could be spending the rest of my life with. Kiddish? Maybe. But it’s true. I’ve painted so many scenarios of our future together in my mind. But it was all for nought. Believe it or not, it was the first time I’ve ever felt smthg like that. And maybe it’s true when they say you’ll never truly get over someone. A part of me will always feel smthg for you, but I guess it is goin’ to stay just like that.

draperape — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 15:12:09 +0000

draperape — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 17:14:41 +0000

I’ve so many wants right now i find myself a terrible person. I really want a macbook pro, a new phone (since my pathetic almost 2 years old iphone is at its critical condition right now), a little puppy to cuddle with and the list goes on and on and on and it goes on and on and on yeahhh~ ok pardon me, dynamite is on replay right now. N talking about that.. My late nights out, the partying, the slacking in town until ungodly hours lifestyle is now officially gone. I spent my friday at my boy’s crib, sleeping at 9PM. What happened? School happened. Right, very awesome. The only thing i look forward to every week is the end of psy at 5PM every friday n head home to sleep. I miss my friends though. Every single one of them, adrina, wanting, weijian, levan tan, koh kaiyuan kidcoodie,all my ewf people, my dearest WG, my yogurt girls. I miss you people so much but i hate the damaging effect school gives for i only want to rest n nua at home whenever class ends. N the fact that mid terms is like around the corner, i can like sigh a thousand sighs now. But on a less depressing note, thank god school is not driving me n adam further apart. Instead it brought us closer, since i stay over almost everyday. Seems like tampines is my chalet n panjang is my home now? Hmm. Okiedoki mumkinz coming back home, imma wait up for her to see what goodies she has for me. Tata!

draperape — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 17:10:37 +0000

I, suck. I’m the queen of procrastination i have no motivation, determination and drive. But each time i think of how much mum paid for the education, and how much hard work she had to put in to give me such education, my heart cringe and i try to push myself harder. As much as i want to do well, there are just some subjects that i can’t excel in. But but but, i will overcome all odds and prac my math n do whatever shit i can do ace mid terms, final terms, get a good GPA, maintain it, graduate. I will, i must. No more ji dan for math, NO MORE NONSENSE RYNA NO NONSENSE BULLSHIT. FOCUS SERIOUS LET’S GO U CAN DO THIS. 100% effort i will give.

Other than studies, my life is basically blank. Right, don’t count studies in yet since there isn’t any proper beginning to speak of. So i’m still wasting my life away. I feel like such a bum sometimes. Looking at how motivated adam is, i feel so ashamed of my lack of drive. I need to pick myself up.

So on a brighter note, i’m meeting the girlies to study tomorrow, plz plz let it be a productive one. Thank you very much hallelujah.

draperape — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 15:50:54 +0000

I need some beer, and the dark black sea. ESL is making me depressed especially with the “i think she’s starting to notice you, you better do something about it soon” sentence. Like wharrrrd the flying fuck have i done. ESL cunt cunt cunt. Everyone’s telling me you need to buck up, you need to do something about yourself.. you’re so slack you need to this you need to that so on and so forth. I know my limits i know what i must do and what i should not do. I’m not a fucking kid, i don’t have to be motivated this way. I just need some time to settle down to this regime, to re-adjust myself and my mindset for school. Don’t push me too far for i think i cannot withstand anymore pressure. Jasmine told WG that everyone in NUS is studying as if tomorrow is A levels. N i think people in SIM are doing the exact same thing as well. Which is so depressing, in a way. Why can’t school be fun and yet enriching at the same time? Why must it always be on mugger alert? Everything, every single shit is so competitive. Even the music group on FB where we share thoughts about music n videos online, that space is scaring the fuck out of me. So now what? More postings = more participation marks? What the fuck is wrong with the kidz nowadays. Knn think about school my blood boil instantly.

draperape — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 17:38:52 +0000

I can literally kill myself for screwing up my math test right now, wtf is wrong with my retarded brains, simple calculations cannot do? Algebra leh? Okay nevermind 5% i chill. On the brighter side, i think i will at least pass my psy test, because everyone, almost everyone who sat at the back literally cheated. Either flipping textbook, refer to own notes or googling for their answers using smart phones. The school’s system is stupid, really.

I think too much memorizing of psy makes one angsty? Socially awkward day. But thank god for the meet up with WG, everything felt like it was normal again, happy times i cherish. My only motivation everyday is to get over and be done with school, rush home and meet the boy. Yes, i’m that needy but proud of it. Now i need some sleep before i start skipping classes again. Skipped ESL twice, one more time and that’s it. I need to buck up. Soooo let’s go mugger mode!

Stardust n rainbows cannot be compared to my goofy boy

draperape — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 18:14:18 +0000

I’m feeling the simplest kind of happiness just by watching adam sleeping soundly beside me. Someone there to keep me company on nights like this when i simply can’t fall asleep. Just simply him being there makes me feel as though i can give up anything just to stay by his side. Even after a good 5 months of being with each other, through ups and downs, i still feel the sugar rush whenever he appears. And because of this, i’m going to delicate an entire post to this special boy of mine just to let him know that every minute that was spent together, everything that we’ve done, they’re not forgotten.

I’m so thankful that I found a boy who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. Who lets me sleep on his chest. I found a guy who will tell his family and friends all about me. Bring me soup when I’m sick. I found a boy who is more goofy than romantic, but knows the right things to say at the right times. A boy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say. A boy who will throw pillows at me when I acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. Who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. A boy who will tease me with my thunder thighs just to get me irritated and we could have contest of spitting saliva at each other. A boy who will kiss me in the pouring rain just because i said it will be romantic this way. I found a boy who will run his fingers through my hair despite it being all tangled up and complained about my current hair condition. Someone who would never be afraid to say I love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. I found a boy who will make funny faces at me when I’m crying just to stop me from doing so. A boy who is willing to take silly pictures with me even when his hair is messy. I found a boy who will stay home with me on a Friday night just to watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will throw his smelly shirts on me after I told him that he smells funny. I found a boy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. A boy who could make me laugh like no one else can. A boy who never flirts around and make me feel that there is at least one guy in this world who is decent and is faithful to love despite hearing so many negative love stories around. I found a boy who will hold me closer than normal when I’m sick. But mostly I found a boy who will always be there for me. I found you my dear boy. Out of so many people in the world, and yet I managed to find you. M i plain lucky or what? xoxo, heart felt feelings.

Defying gravity

draperape — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 02:44:37 +0000

I feel like my mind is finally at ease, or rather my heart is too. Alcohol can sometimes be a good form of morale booster despite its many negative effects. Last night, i finally managed to blurt out every single insecurities and concerns I’ve been going through for the past few months. Some things don’t have to be said, it’s the little things; the small actions that tells you everything. It has always been like this, isn’t it?

N i found out a tiny winy secret which instantly made my night. March march march heheheheh xx luv.

Epic, very?

draperape — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 18:35:15 +0000

Adam: “ehhh…ah.ya”

Me: “What?!!”

Adam: snores-

And i just dropped a packet of drink right beside his face, like probably 2CM away, plus accidentally kick his body a few times, no reaction. He sure can sleep through a thunderstorm with this kind of sleeping abilities. I’m in awe.

draperape — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 17:46:24 +0000

This is salvation!!!!!!!! TGIF people, no school cause it’s public holz, plus weekends. O, double joy! School’s been pretty fine lately, but i’ve started the “i dont want to pull myself outta bed, ok skip sch!” habit once again. FYI, this is only the second week. I need to start finding more motivation to wake up in the morning, but it doesn’t really help that 830 lessons are all ESL. I h8 esl so bad i don’t know why either.

On a brighter note, i finally did my first assignment!!! Completed a few entries for MUS113 journal but you know what? I think it’s all nonsense bullshits inside. The way i write in the journal, is almost similar to the way i blog, which is very chapalang? x.x why do i get this feeling that i will have to drop my major ah? O right, did like a few questions of math just now, and srsly i ought to kill myself. Simple math, i cannot do. Linear equations somemore. WAI? Cuz i returned all my knowledge of math to mr toh after the end of A’s. Well done. I can go back to secondary school now, back to basics babies. Btw, this is supposed to be a paragraph on “a brighter note”, i don’t know why i’m drifting off to depressing math again.

I need to get more life, the past weeks have been school, panjang, tampines, school and you get the drift. Tomorrow, phuture, must must must happen. Saturday UB house party must must must too. Sunday i will stay at home and study for all the quizzes. All 3 quizzes next week. I don’t have a very good feeling about it especially when there’s bio in psy, and there’s crazy math, and annoying esl. Fuck, i need to stop talking about school…………. my life ah seriously…… Anyway have a happy holz kitties!

OH, before i forget. ADAM TAN ORD LOOOOOOOOO^^! no more going back camp, no more staying in for duty. Sibei shiok but doesn’t make any difference since he’s still gonna wake up early for work. Hahaha fuck his life. I realised i take pleasure in someone else’s misery. Sigh.